My dearest Mom,
I have been very patient with you when you gaffaw at my choice of residence (Cambodia) and even when you and grandma comment on what a "proper [Asian] daughter/lawyer/person" would do. But, I simply draw the line at phone calls at 6 o'clock in the morning, wherein you scream to a half-asleep me, "Goodbye! I am leaving for Norway and then I'm going to Paris! Ha!"
If you insist on continuing this kind of behavior, I respectfully request that you bring back family vacations.